50+ Funny Ways To Dazzle Blog Readers With “Wow” Contents And Squeeze Their Money Out Quickly

“It should make your blood run cold!” Praying-girl

Isn’t it funny that you’re not making money from your blog readers?

You had thought blogging was all about writing, writing, writing and maybe social networking with others.

It’s funny because everyone is doing it and no one seems to challenge it.

I don’t know what you’re doing with your blog today, but I know you can actually profit from your blog.

I mean the readers have money, and you don’t expect the money to rot in their bank accounts.

They want to spend money and only you can make it work.

Believe me; most blog readers are damn stingy. They have tight-fisted hands and will never buy from you no matter how hot the product is.

But guess what? You don’t really need these people on your blog. They’re not better than your grandma. Lol!

Become Angry With Blogging Failure

dazzle blog readers

Yes, you should be angry when things are not working out well for your blog. I’m not asking you to destroy your Television, or delete your blog and go back to a secured 9-5 job; all I’m saying is that you should be motivated to grow.

Most blogs are suffering from readership, income and influence because the owner is lazy. He or she is full of complaints and has one thousand and one reasons why blogging doesn’t work.

Become angry today – challenge yourself to make it work. Blog readers are the most powerful asset you can ever acquire.

If you don’t have people who appreciate your efforts, who comment and desire to buy from you, I’m going to show you 50+ ways to get it right. I’ve erased all guess work and I’m giving you a blueprint that’s proven to work for you.

The Blog’s Handbook – 50 Ways To “Dazzle” Readers

1.    Write with authority

Blog readers want to connect with authority. We’re meant to trust industry experts. There words shouldn’t fall to the ground. When you write a post for your blog or others, write with authority.

You’re so sure of what you’re saying, 97% conviction it’s right. Oh, how powerful blogging can be if we get serious with this – you’re an expert. Write, talk, plan, network and market as one.

2.    One-shot conviction

Did you know that you’ve 7 seconds to convince someone or lose them forever?

I’m sure you don’t know this. But it’s the greatest lesson I learned when I failed thrice with my niche blogs. When people come to your blog, show them immediately why they’ve to be there – straight up.

To convince almost immediately, have your custom logo or domain name visible and don’t overcrowd your header with ads.

3.    Make ‘em sweat

I once came across a blog post that was 7,084 words. I wanted to leave but the information was so precious to ignore. I spent 30 minutes reading and at the end of the day, I sweated, but I learned something fabulous about content marketing.

If you can’t make them sweat, it shows your content is generic. Nothing spectacular is truly happening around your blog. Spend time revamping your contents – sweating is good for readers and they won’t forget what made them to stink.

4.     Ask them to try

It’s like testing a beta product or service. Your readers are the best people who can give honest critic and suggestions. Most times, we ask experts to try our products before launching them. We ignore the avid reader who is more precious. Ask them to try a product and give feedback.

A handful of readers would gladly accept this honor and that’s the beginning of engagement that lasts. Don’t be like the so-called gurus, humble yourself and acknowledge readers.

5.    Easy, Scannable content

How scannable is your content? I mean, can people scan and enjoy your blog post before reading it?

I see a lot of busy blog posts. No single space to breathe. Give the reader a break and make it easy to read. It’s true that some people are scared of reading a lengthy article – but when you break it up; you would inspire them to read.

Easy, scannable and usable content often wins the content marketing game.

6.    Craft a masterpiece

Yes I’m serious. It’s time you stop writing those quirky and could-be-found-everywhere content. Nobody wants to read such contents again.

All you need do is spend time to research the topic you intend to write about. Don’t be in hurry and miss out on the opportunities to hack your readers’ mind. Craft a masterpiece that endures – effective content marketing is evergreen.

7.    Stop churning articles

Slow down my dear. You have written so many articles and it seemed you didn’t achieve good results – what’s the problem?

This is closely-tied to ‘crafting a masterpiece.’ Actually, churning is the opposite of crafting. I can write 10 blog posts in a day, but they won’t be spectacular. I’m being honest here and even – it’s no longer quantity, but quality that counts.

8.    Catch their attention quickly

dazzle blog readers

I’m trying my best to avoid clichés in this post. When I tell you to catch readers’ attention, inside my heart, I’m saying you should ‘write powerful headlines.’ You’ve heard so much about it, but when last did you get it right?

Headlines are very powerful hooking bait. If you miss it there, nothing else would work. Spend time studying what others have written and use the same techniques to dazzle your target audience.

9.    Use contractions when you write

Write with fun. Contractions enable your blog post to flow naturally, erasing the artificial feel and causing people to communicate in their minds. Instead of using “did not,” you should use ‘didn’t’ and in place of “should not”, replace with ‘shouldn’t.’

Using contractions might not work effectively in formal writing or academic writing, but for blogging, it works. In fact, academic and formal writing doesn’t produce results that much.

Write to serve the right information, not really to educate like professors and lecturers do.

10.     Erase all doubts

When your content is unclear, there is the tendency of losing readers and trust. So, clear all doubts from your readers’ mind and communicate with clarity and conciseness.

It doesn’t matter if the topic is complicated, break it down using bullet points and convey the message in easy-to-read formats. There should be no doubts whatsoever – and you’ve the ability to erase it.

11.     Dot your ‘I’s and cross your ‘t’s.

Leave no stone unturned. Let’s assume you’re writing Series-Like articles or those that are in Parts. When you’re in Part 1, make sure you give a clear overview of what must be done first. Most articles that are written in “Series” often confuse readers because it wasn’t well mapped out.

Don’t allow anything to deter your clarity. Blog readers deserve to know how a particular topic works and it’s your responsibility to assist them. If you fail to help them, they would leave without notice. I’m sure you don’t want that?

12.     Keep ‘em talking

keep readers talking

How do you feel when you communicate with others? It’s an innate character that people are meant to share, converse and voice their strongest opinion. Most blogs are dying because readers are not talking.

As a content marketer, don’t rely on your instincts alone to build a profitable business. It’s the surest path to failure – learn from others – make them talk.

13.     Dazzle with quotes

Quotes from well-known experts can go a long way to juice-up your content. I’m yet to see anyone who doesn’t connect with inspiring quotes.

In fact, quotes inspire. Your website and blog can make a great impact in the world if people recognize your zeal to inspire them – that’s the fuel that keeps the fire burning. Don’t ever quench it.

14.     Write to express, not impress

This is an exceptional funny point that can change your content marketing career. People don’t expect use to impress them with all the stuffs we’ve achieved. It’s a blunder if you try to make people like you without doing what they expect.

You don’t buy trust, but you can ‘earn’ trust. So, stop trying to get the world to like, visit and buy your products. Instead, go out of the way to deliver solutions. Write to express your views as an expert, don’t impress – it’s the shortcut for failure.

15.     Words are seeds, sow on fertile grounds

Words are seeds, sow on fertile ground – Michael Chibuzor

How do you coordinate your words before letting it out? It’s so important that you ‘think’ about it before saying it. Most contents I’ve read recently are full of blunders, unrealistic analysis with no feasible backup.

You can’t continue doing content like that. You’ve to sow on fertile ground. The fertile ground is that which is ready to receive and put to implement.

Readers’ heart is always fertile to receive, but we don’t always remember this. Sow good seeds (words) and it would go a long way to produce amazing results for your business.

16.     Reach out to them locally

Reaching out locally, to your neighborhood and those in your city can be helpful. Research the right keywords and key phrases that are searched by local consumers and online shoppers. Then use the terms to optimize and garnish your blog post.

For instance, “search engine optimization services in NJ” is a great term you could write an article on, if you’re in the SEO niche. Local consumers are hot, evergreen and highly targeted – they’re waiting, tapping their credit cards and crying, “Where is your product?”

17.     Get them involved

Whatever project you’re involved with, get prospects, customers, clients and blog readers involved. Everyone wants to agree with someone who cares about them. Blogging and social media networking are great systems to connect, share and involve with others.

Did you realize that readers need you more than you need them? That’s a fact and if you bring them into the fold, you can tap into their ideas, opinions and networks to achieve tremendous success.

18.     You’re a friend, really!

blog readers are friends

If you think you can get along with readers, prospects and customers, then you’ve to be a good friend. Getting people to trust you begins with your meekness and how hospitable you’re.

Of course, you still must sell to them, but don’t be pushy or employ marketing hype. Build a friendship-platform and use the opportunity to sell. Even in marriage, what keeps the fire of love burning isn’t the sex (so sweeeet), but friendship that’s been built over time.

19.     Polish your grammar

Well, this is no-brainer and I can imagine how blood just gushed into your artery and straight up to the right ventricle. Oh, you need to polish your grammar – you can’t run away from it.

You’re truly what you write. But don’t strive to be 100% perfect, nothing is ever perfect and any attempt not to ‘break’ grammar rules one bit would lead to more mistakes. But as much as you can, write with good spelling and showcase your intelligence. Can you do that for me?

20.     I don’t think so

Funny…I don’t think so isn’t related to you right? Wrong.

If you think your website or blog is the best in the industry, you’re telling a BIG lie. I had earlier envisaged the day when my blog would be #1, but I realized it’s a waste of time.

Do I have to be #1 in my niche to touch lives and to earn a living from my business? I don’t think so. What you need is to stand out (more on this later).

21.     Stand out from the crowd

standout blogger

The only thing that can make you stand out from the 100k blogs that are launched every day is your unique selling proposition (USP). If you don’t know what it’s, you’ve 10-step away from growing a profitable business. In a nut shell, USP is that ‘thing’ that makes you unique.

When people (prospects, clients, customers, blog readers and so forth) visit your blog, they find it very difficult to ignore your contents. It’s as though you did cast a spell on them. No, it’s no magic – you just hooked them with your gem – find your USP today.

22.     Sell a product I won’t buy

Can you sell a product I won’t buy? Yes, you can and it’s the best thing that can happen to your business. What does it mean to sell a product that I can’t buy?

It’s simple: If I’m not your reader or need the services and product you’re selling, I won’t bother buying it.

What it means is that you should stop targeting everybody and focus on those that matter – your readers, prospects and target audience.

I can’t buy a product on ‘how to pick up girls’ if I’m married. Do you get the point? And if my list database is over 10,000, why would I waste money in the next list building software? I don’t need it – but maybe you do!

23.     Convince first, convert later

It’s ideal to use the 7-rule concept when dealing with readers and prospects. How do I mean? Convince first, before you convert. It talks about collecting leads, follow-up for 7 consecutive times before recommending a product or service.

This is especially important for those who want to build an empire with their online businesses. Selling to a stranger is awkward and 98% of the time, it doesn’t work.

Convince people to join your email list, and then tease them with exceptional contents before selling.

24.     Your presence matters

Consumers are scared of putting their trust and hard-earned money on someone who doesn’t care about them. If you’re marketing on social media, ensure you are present to reply, comment and answer questions.

I know we’ve ghostwriters everywhere, and I’m one of them. But for blogging to be effective, you need to be available when they need you. I’ll talk more on having a presence later.

But for now, just bear in mind that presence matters. When last did you reply to comments made on your post? Think about it as you continue reading.

25.    Social connection is an attitude

I’ve just nailed it, I did a post recently and it’s scheduled to go live this week. The post talks about social media, been more of an attitude than a marketing system.

With social media, you can leverage on the platform to get leads, increase sales and influence the audience.

But if your attitude is broken, or very difficult to vouch for, it can be problem marketing with people on Facebook and Twitter. Check your attitude today. Do you sincerely like to hang out with fans and followers, or are you 100% desperate to make money?

26.    Use testimonials – when necesary

Using testimonials has its upside and downsides too. You should use testimonials if you’re a product creator and truly believes in it. But if you’re just starting out with your blog, and decide to use testimonials, what do you think would happen?

Don’t you think there is a mistake somewhere? Use testimonials on salespage, storefront, review page and “hire me page” but not necessarily on your blog post. It wouldn’t matter to the reader.

27.     Fulfill your promise

Thousands of promises are never fulfilled. It’s not enough to say all the things you can do, when deep within your hearts, you know it’s not possible, why stress yourself and sabotage your credibility.

Content marketing must be built on honesty. It’s the foundation and the fuel that powers the business. Of course, making a promise is a part of copywriting and marketing – but it must be realistic and you should get prepared to fulfilling it. Earlier I shared how words are seeds.  You’ve to sow on a fertile ground to reap a bountiful harvest.

28.     Guest post like a maniac

I like this – guest posting is my favorite strategy for growing an internet business. I’ve been able to build 3 profitable blogs from scratch. All thanks to guest posting and the great potentials it has to transform a blog into money making venture.

Your readers would trust you more and get hooked to you if they discover you’re everywhere. They not only read your blog posts, they also enjoy reading your guest articles published across A-list blogs. Isn’t that a plus?

This can further boost your expertise and when you say a word, they would obey and take actions. Why? It’s because you’re knowledgeable in the field. Since I started writing guest posts and getting found everywhere, my readers’ love and trust have increased.

What’s stopping you from guest posting? What could that be? Can’t you make out time to give it a shot? You can get the full gist on Guest posting 101.

29.     Stay connected to your source

stay connected to God

Yes, without God by your side, you can’t amount to anything. You need to stay connected to your source so that you can collect the rich deposits the internet has created.

Those who neglect the one who created them are missing out on divine strategies to attract high-paying prospects and convert them.

There is a special secret to winning the battles of life – it begins with having your root in God and his son (Jesus Christ). Have you accepted him today?

30.    People judge a book by its cover

The first ‘bait’ that readers get hooked to when they visit your blog is theme. If you’re using WordPress CMS, you’ve access to thousands of great themes. There are free ones and paid ones.

Whichever one you decide to use, customizing it is the ‘touch’ that can make it unique and exceptional – standing out.

Don’t be moved by what you hear, “people actually do judge a book by its cover.” If your blog isn’t beautiful, clear and easy to navigate, it’s time to get a new one. Let’s explore more funny ways to dazzle blog readers:

31.     Twitter marketing doesn’t suck

32.     Give me a break

33.     You’re what you write

34.     Hold something back

35.     Have a strategy, ditch tactics

36.     1000+ words post, cute!

37.     Create a worthy buzz

38.     Giveaway money ($500)

39.     Um hmm, smack readers

40.     Practice what you preach

41.      Don’t go bankrupt

42.     Pray without ceasing

43.     Launch a new blog

44.     Stay focused

45.     Don’t brag, blog instead

46.      Make people laugh

47.      Travel and share your experience

48.      Put money where it belongs

49.      Appreciate critic, learn from it

50.     Stay-of-the-radar

51.      Outsource jobs to readers

52.     Offer 1-hour consulting service for free

53.     Follow-up with your subscribers

54.     Brand your business gradually

55.     Visit their blog/site

Add your funny strategy here…

I’ve spent 5 hours crafting this post and I’m still not satisfied. My vision is to extend this post to 100 funny ways to dazzle blog readers. Do you’ve a funny strategy that truly works?

Please add it in the comment and don’t forget to share this post. Stay gracious.

Photo credit: Shutterstock | Willyarm Bradberry | Olly | Readhead | Wolf | Wolf-Holf | Praying-Girl

56 thoughts on “50+ Funny Ways To Dazzle Blog Readers With “Wow” Contents And Squeeze Their Money Out Quickly”

  1. Hi Michael,
    Thanks for these very helpful tips. Writing to express and not to impress is a good advice. We should focus on getting our message across using simple language. Thanks a lot for posting.

  2. Hey Michael would you be able to write an article on how to create very effective email autoresponder ?

    Greetings from Europe !


  3. Michael I would add one more if I may. Make case studies and publish them quite often. I learnt that this is the way how to get valuable customers. If you enrich your case studies with nice looking Infographics, even better.

  4. Nice post which readers, prospects and customers, then you’ve to be a good friend. Getting people to trust you begins with your meekness and how hospitable you’re. In which you still must sell to them, but don’t be pushy or employ marketing hype. Build a friendship-platform and use the opportunity to sell. Thanks a lot for posting.

  5. Boy, these 50 points are integral. But really there’s something you need first before you can even apply any of these 50 points and that is panache and personality. Read on to discover how you can develop the kind of panache and personality that it takes to be a top writer.

  6. I just wanted to say that quality blog posts would rank well, when proper headlines are used, coupled with relevant pictures. It will catch the eye and lead to better conversion.

  7. Hi Michael, I really believe in you and also appreciate of your thought. You have written in details about how to write funny blogs and how to make money from blog readers?

  8. Nice information, valuable and excellent design, as share good stuff with good ideas and concepts, lots of great information and inspiration, both of which I need, thanks to offer such a helpful information here.

  9. Very Useful information, I must say great 50 points here.
    It was nice reading through entire article and very useful tips for newbies like me.

  10. Helpful info. Lucky me I found youг web site unintentionally, and I’m shocked why this accident didn’t toοk plaсe in advance!
    I bookmarked it.

  11. It’s the best time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you few interesting things or advice. Perhaps you can write next articles referring to this article. I want to read more things about it!

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  13. Hi there would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re working with? I’m going to
    start my own blog soon but I’m having a difficult time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something
    completely unique. P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but I had to

  14. Hey Michael,

    All great tips, some of them are actually worth composing into a little text document for quick reference. These are great writing ideas for dazzling readers so they’re great to keep on hand.

    Liz 🙂

  15. Hey there! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout
    out and tell you I genuinely enjoy reading through your posts.
    Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same subjects?

  16. I love your list. It’s got some fantastic tips. I’ll definitely be using most of them on my existing blog and the new blog I’m creating.

    Thank you.

  17. Excellent blog here! Also your website loads up very fast!
    What web host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host?
    I wish my website loaded up as quickly as yours lol

  18. I appreciate your post but I hate to admit that it lost my interest at the number 10 point. This is way too long. It might be better if you have partitioned your insights into smaller articles. In that way, your writing will be best absorbed. Plus, you stopped expounding on the 30th. I believe you grew tired as well. Nevertheless, thanks or the information and the effort you have given.

    • Hey Betty, I’m so sorry to hear that you lost interest at the number 10 point. The post is resourceful and I only write such articles occasionally. No, I didn’t get tired on the 30th. I think the points are easy to understand. I’ll make my posts shorter next time. Please keep reading.

  19. I am not sure where you’re getting your information, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more. Thanks for fantastic info I was looking for this information for my mission.

  20. Insanely Useful article!!
    Each and every tip is worth looking into. Michael you are an excellent writer and communicate ideas with such ease.

  21. Oh my goodness! Awesome article dude! Thank you,
    However I am having difficulties with your RSS. I don’t understand the reason why I can’t join it. Is there anybody getting similar RSS problems? Anyone that knows the answer can you kindly respond? Thanks!!

    • I would prefer you subscribe to my email list than my RSS feed. Simply download the free valuable report on my blog’s header and you’re in. Thank you Tarife for reading my post. Please visit again.

  22. Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot about this,
    like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you
    can do with a few pics to drive the message home a bit, but instead
    of that, this is magnificent blog. A fantastic read. I will
    definitely be back.

  23. Hi Michael,
    Thanks for these very helpful tips! I agree with Chris, we can get lots of benefits by following even just some of these. Writing to express and not to impress is a good advice. We should focus on getting our message across using simple language. If our readers can’t understand what we’re saying, they will lose interest and our efforts will be in vain.
    Thanks for sharing!

  24. Interesting points Michael. Blogging isn’t only for writing, writing and writing. If we aren’t getting any profit from our articles than we leave writing anymore and in order to get profit from our articles we must follow the steps mentioned in this post and things like this.

    Michael I’m disagree with one point. Just 300 words quality article is much better than 1000 words worthless article! Remember quality is better than quantity.

  25. Terrific work! This is the kind of information that are
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  26. Great list, Michael. Even following ten points from your list, you will get a lot of benefits. And I agree with you, that guest posting is very helpful.

    One more point for your list – make comments on other blogs;)
    BR, Chris

      • Helpful is the key word there! there are way too many comments on places like JohnChow.com and Problogger that are simply some dude trying to be on the page and nothing else.

        I wish I had the link handy, but I remember reading a post somewhere that showed the difference in results that the blogger got from comments when he wrote generic praise vs. well thought out responses.

        It was super cool and showed how a little time and thought made a big difference.

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